A while back I wrote a blog about Job...specifically about the verse that says..."Job died old and full of days"...I want this to be what is said about me when I die...
That I died Old and Full of days
...that I didn't die full of dreams never fulfilled...
that I wasn't too afraid to attempt something knowing I may fail.
I mean, come on, I went to AFRICA last year...I traveled thousands of miles...fulfilling a dream I thought would not happen for MANY years...but it did...so maybe there are other dreams waiting to become reality. I don't know unless I try- that's for sure!
Of course there is always a small intimidating voice inside saying..."What if you Fail? What if your family, friends think you are crazy? What if you look like a fool?"
Well, this last Sunday at church I felt like God was whispering to me...something so simple but SO powerful....
..."Who told you that you can't???????????"
So that's all it took. I have had many ideas, dreams stirring in my heart for a while...but I have been afraid. But now I am determined to go for it!
So...here is My list...the start of it anyway...I will probably add to it :) This will include other things I want to do in my life...(in no specific order)
My List...
1. Learn to sew
2. Piano Lessons
3. Make more Jewelry
4. Create after I learn to sew(details to be shared later :)
5. Paint a picture
6. Photography Classes
7. Get a new, nice camera to use in my class and take more pictures
8. Go back to Africa
9. Travel in Europe
10. Sponsor a child from VOH
11. Buy Dan a new truck
12. Give a substantial gift to someone (in secret)
13. Become a board member for the Women's Center
14. Go to IHOP-KC
15. Take Yoga Classes
16. Be someone who inspires my children
17. Write a song
18. Do a 40 day fast (with no cheating)
19. See my Mom and Brothers saved
20. Skydive
21. hot air balloon ride
22. See a Broadway Show
23.
"Your playing small does not serve the World." :)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The promises made for me are tangible but not visible with the eye.
The redemption is so real I can taste it, but it cannot be fathomed by the mind.
The love that is so unconditional, that knows no bounds, keeps no score, no past wrongs, no way to be decreased or increased...it is not based on the world's standards...it is not changed by circumstances, feelings, or works...but it cannot be understood.
The blood that was shed for me (and you) was spilled out...so red and painful...so deep and pure..it has cleansed all that I am and all that I was...but the gap that was bridged from that sacrifice cannot be seen.
The redemption is so real I can taste it, but it cannot be fathomed by the mind.
The love that is so unconditional, that knows no bounds, keeps no score, no past wrongs, no way to be decreased or increased...it is not based on the world's standards...it is not changed by circumstances, feelings, or works...but it cannot be understood.
The blood that was shed for me (and you) was spilled out...so red and painful...so deep and pure..it has cleansed all that I am and all that I was...but the gap that was bridged from that sacrifice cannot be seen.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Restoration
Restoration...you bring Restoration...
I know that I have been restored. My children, my heritage that I will leave behind...is restored to God. But my family- my brothers, and my Mom have not been restored. (nor my dad). But my brothers have been heavy on my heart. I want them to know Jesus and to have wholeness and healing...but I also want there relationship to me restored. We are brothers and sister...family...we grew up together...we fought...we played...we broke rules...we laughed...we were family. But now we are strangers. We have chosen different lives..
I was at the prayer room Thursday evening for an hour...before I knew it was coming I found myself crying out and even yelling what was in my heart...a cry to God to restore my family to me. It was like an emotional vomit that happened before I even felt it coming on...like He searched me and knew what was in my heart even before I did. (which is not unlike Him.)
In the midst of my crying and yelling..I found myself clinging to and repeating--"You are a Restorer God! Only you can do it! Only YOU! YOU are the Restorer!"
So this Sunday morning at church, one of the first songs played was "Restoration" by David Brymer. I sensed that it was very appropriate for where many people were at this morning. But for me, in my heart...I felt like it was an acknowledgement that God heard my prayers, my hearts cry.
Later, they announced they would be doing baby dedications next Sunday morning..and I felt like God was telling me how when we dedicate our children- Lilly and Kaiden next week...it will be a physical picture of how he has Restored me, my heritage, and a new generation in my family.
Hallelujah, He makes all things new. He brings Restoration.
So sit back and take in the words of this song..."He takes our mourning and turns it into dancing...he takes our weeping and turns it into laughing...He takes my pain, he's called me by a new name, He's taken my shame, and in its place He's given me JOY."
And because of all this...I can have HOPE and peace about my family...because He IS a RESTORER!
Hallelujah, You make all things NEW!
I know that I have been restored. My children, my heritage that I will leave behind...is restored to God. But my family- my brothers, and my Mom have not been restored. (nor my dad). But my brothers have been heavy on my heart. I want them to know Jesus and to have wholeness and healing...but I also want there relationship to me restored. We are brothers and sister...family...we grew up together...we fought...we played...we broke rules...we laughed...we were family. But now we are strangers. We have chosen different lives..
I was at the prayer room Thursday evening for an hour...before I knew it was coming I found myself crying out and even yelling what was in my heart...a cry to God to restore my family to me. It was like an emotional vomit that happened before I even felt it coming on...like He searched me and knew what was in my heart even before I did. (which is not unlike Him.)
In the midst of my crying and yelling..I found myself clinging to and repeating--"You are a Restorer God! Only you can do it! Only YOU! YOU are the Restorer!"
So this Sunday morning at church, one of the first songs played was "Restoration" by David Brymer. I sensed that it was very appropriate for where many people were at this morning. But for me, in my heart...I felt like it was an acknowledgement that God heard my prayers, my hearts cry.
Later, they announced they would be doing baby dedications next Sunday morning..and I felt like God was telling me how when we dedicate our children- Lilly and Kaiden next week...it will be a physical picture of how he has Restored me, my heritage, and a new generation in my family.
Hallelujah, He makes all things new. He brings Restoration.
So sit back and take in the words of this song..."He takes our mourning and turns it into dancing...he takes our weeping and turns it into laughing...He takes my pain, he's called me by a new name, He's taken my shame, and in its place He's given me JOY."
And because of all this...I can have HOPE and peace about my family...because He IS a RESTORER!
Hallelujah, You make all things NEW!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Spring Up Oh Well Within Me
As the deer pants for the water, my soul-longs for you.
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without you
they may say, come on get over it
drink be merryfultomorrow we die
that's why
i'd rather sit in the house of mourning
then at the table with food
blessed are the hungry, you said i believe it
hunger is an escort to the deeper things of you
you satisfy, you satisfy
as the deer pants for the water, my soul-longs for you
as the body dies without water- my soul dies without you
my soul cries
my soul cries
my soul cries...for you
take to the place where you satisfy take me to the river
ill do anything god there is no no price
take me to the river
they may say come on get over it
everything is ok
they may say
why the hunger why the thirsty why the mourning
my soul cries my soul cries my soul cries- for you
my soul cries, my soul cries, my soul cries for you
take to the place where you satisfy take to the river,
ill do anything, God there is no price
take me to the river
all my tears you hold in a bottle
you will pour them out like the rain
weeping endures for the night but JOY comes in the morning, JOY comes in the morning
blessed are the hungry, blessed are the thirsty, you said it- i believe it
hunger is the escort to the deeper things of you
my soul cries, my soul cries, my soul cries- for you
deep is calling out to deep
i gotta go deeper deeper deeper still
you're not so far away
you're living on the inside of me
spring oh well, spring up oh well within me
spirit of the living God
spring up oh well within me!
spring up oh well, spring up oh well within me!
a river of life!
~~spring up oh well within me!~~
Holy spirit rise up inside of me, fill me with desire for Jesus
all consuming fire living flame of love
come and move within the hearts of men and women
and make us lovesick for Jesus, we are lovesick, come Lord Jesus, COME!
--misty edwards--
Psalm 77:11-20 (New International Version)
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah
16 The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
Spring up oh well with in me, and declare the goodness and majesty of the Lord! Display his Splendor for the world to see! Move in me Lord, make me lovesick for you, I am desperate for you. I place you above all others, all needs, all wants in my life!! You satisfy! Only YOU satisfy. Hunger is the escort to the deeper things of you...Let that be my cry, my prayer.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Hope does NOT disappoint us
"...And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
5 weeks ago...I found a lump in my left breast, by accident. I thought about what or If I should do anything. But Daniel assured me I should go to have it examined. And so I called to set up my appt. Shortly after I went to the SOZO conference...where God told me He was going to send someone to pray for my healing for it. But I knew it would be someone I did not know, because I had not told anyone. So I knew if it happened, God really spoke to me, and meant what He said. Alas, the conference was coming to an end and we were in the line to leave, when a man came up to me and told me He felt like He was supposed to pray for me- for my healing!! Wow. Ok, God..So he did. I told him what God had spoke to me, he said he felt like he was supposed to all weekend but had not had the chance.
I was in awe of God.
So I came home and waited for my appointment. Time seemed to crawl by...but it finally came. To sum it up quickly, we waited another week for the ultrasound, another week for the appt with the surgeon, but then that appt got canceled, so waited another day. Through all of it....I just felt a peace that truly surpassed allllll understanding. It was hard to see the fear in my husband's eyes for me and my sister's. Out of their love for me they were afraid. But I wanted to be strong. I did not want to fall apart with anxiety and fear, worries and what if's...I had a few moments of struggle...But all I could hear in my heart was...."With all my heart, with all my mind, and all my soul, with all I know" over and over and over again. I would trust him with all of me...He knows my fears, but I know he loves and he is good. So whatever happened, I wanted to believe that and trust He would bring good and growth and that He would get glory out of it.
"I won't be afraid, I will face the wind. So let the winds blow, let the winds blow"
Whatever those winds were going to look like,
I wanted to be strong and FULL OF FAITH and HOPE!
NOT FEAR!
So today I went it to the surgeon for my consult for a biopsy since they discovered it was a solid mass. I was so ready for it all to be over so we could move on and not have this dark cloud of wonder hanging over us anymore. She informed us that it was indeed a solid mass but it was benign, nothing to worry about, no procedure or surgery needed.
Yay, God!!!
I was reminded of what God spoke to me, the prayers gone up for me, the unknown affect and healing that has come from them...
Through all of this I have persevered to find Him in it, believe what He says about me, about my future...He always, always, always answers us...
He knows us in and out. He is so faithful.
And His hope- NEVER disappoints.
Glory to Your Name Lord. You are worthy to be praised.
"...And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Romans 5:2
5 weeks ago...I found a lump in my left breast, by accident. I thought about what or If I should do anything. But Daniel assured me I should go to have it examined. And so I called to set up my appt. Shortly after I went to the SOZO conference...where God told me He was going to send someone to pray for my healing for it. But I knew it would be someone I did not know, because I had not told anyone. So I knew if it happened, God really spoke to me, and meant what He said. Alas, the conference was coming to an end and we were in the line to leave, when a man came up to me and told me He felt like He was supposed to pray for me- for my healing!! Wow. Ok, God..So he did. I told him what God had spoke to me, he said he felt like he was supposed to all weekend but had not had the chance.
I was in awe of God.
So I came home and waited for my appointment. Time seemed to crawl by...but it finally came. To sum it up quickly, we waited another week for the ultrasound, another week for the appt with the surgeon, but then that appt got canceled, so waited another day. Through all of it....I just felt a peace that truly surpassed allllll understanding. It was hard to see the fear in my husband's eyes for me and my sister's. Out of their love for me they were afraid. But I wanted to be strong. I did not want to fall apart with anxiety and fear, worries and what if's...I had a few moments of struggle...But all I could hear in my heart was...."With all my heart, with all my mind, and all my soul, with all I know" over and over and over again. I would trust him with all of me...He knows my fears, but I know he loves and he is good. So whatever happened, I wanted to believe that and trust He would bring good and growth and that He would get glory out of it.
"I won't be afraid, I will face the wind. So let the winds blow, let the winds blow"
Whatever those winds were going to look like,
I wanted to be strong and FULL OF FAITH and HOPE!
NOT FEAR!
So today I went it to the surgeon for my consult for a biopsy since they discovered it was a solid mass. I was so ready for it all to be over so we could move on and not have this dark cloud of wonder hanging over us anymore. She informed us that it was indeed a solid mass but it was benign, nothing to worry about, no procedure or surgery needed.
Yay, God!!!
I was reminded of what God spoke to me, the prayers gone up for me, the unknown affect and healing that has come from them...
Through all of this I have persevered to find Him in it, believe what He says about me, about my future...He always, always, always answers us...
He knows us in and out. He is so faithful.
And His hope- NEVER disappoints.
Glory to Your Name Lord. You are worthy to be praised.
"...And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Romans 5:2
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Sink or Swim
This morning I felt like there was a war waging inside of me...
Peace vs. all the emotions raging within me...all the truth and promises of His goodness and faithfulness.
The days before I have had peace and was not consumed with these fears...but this morning it hit me like a very real tidal wave...I could almost see inside myself...watching the waves be tossed back and forth, a sloshing that is messy and splashes onto everything around it. It was sink or swim...but I kept coming back up, fighting for my air, fighting for who He says I am, what He says about me, what he says about my future... but I would sink with a thought of fear, the what if's, be pushed down under the water..... but then be reminded of His promises and I would swim back to the top...Gasp for more air, for peace, calmness, strength...
I love that no matter how many times we sink...he always gives us the strength to swim back to the top. He ALWAYS answers our cry for help. He ALWAYS answers! He never leaves us or forsakes us. Never!
He does not let us be overtaken by the waves if we call out to Him.
We always have a choice...we can choose to let our emotions overtake us or we can choose to cling to what He says about us and who He is, and claim His promises.
So right now, I choose to swim...not sink!
to be continued...
Peace vs. all the emotions raging within me...all the truth and promises of His goodness and faithfulness.
The days before I have had peace and was not consumed with these fears...but this morning it hit me like a very real tidal wave...I could almost see inside myself...watching the waves be tossed back and forth, a sloshing that is messy and splashes onto everything around it. It was sink or swim...but I kept coming back up, fighting for my air, fighting for who He says I am, what He says about me, what he says about my future... but I would sink with a thought of fear, the what if's, be pushed down under the water..... but then be reminded of His promises and I would swim back to the top...Gasp for more air, for peace, calmness, strength...
I love that no matter how many times we sink...he always gives us the strength to swim back to the top. He ALWAYS answers our cry for help. He ALWAYS answers! He never leaves us or forsakes us. Never!
He does not let us be overtaken by the waves if we call out to Him.
We always have a choice...we can choose to let our emotions overtake us or we can choose to cling to what He says about us and who He is, and claim His promises.
So right now, I choose to swim...not sink!
to be continued...
Monday, February 8, 2010
Bring me forth in Love
Listen Oh daughter
the King desires you..
Now Listen oh daughter
He wants to be with you
He longs for the day
when He makes all things new..
all things new..
He longs for the day..
He longs for the day..
when you allow Him to make all things new..
so listen oh daughters...
the King desires you.
so listen oh daughters..
the King desires you!
I say yes-
I say yes-
I say yes-
I want to be with you.
so I say yes-
I say yes
I say yes
I want to be with you.
I say yes-
I say yes-
I say yes-
I want to be with you.
I say yes-
I say yes-
I say yes-
I want to be with you.
Oh God I won't accuse you of being too difficult..
I won't accuse you of asking too much of me.
I won't accuse you...
for I know , I know, you know what moves my heart~
and I say yes.
I say yes..
I will go my own way...
to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense.
I will leave the past behind..
and how I failed, so so so many times..
but I l believe in your commitment to me.
I trust your promise more than I trust my own commitment to you..
I say it again, I say it again
I will go own my way
Yes, yes, yes.
I'll say yes.
I know that you will bring me to the end..
and I say yes
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able- I trust you..
I trust your desire for me.
For your said it and I believe it.
For you've given me the spirit as a guarantee.
As I walk through the journey~
As I walk through the wilderness~
I know, I know, I know your gonna bring me into, into only You.
Though I fall I am not utterly cast out..
though I fall, He upholds me by His right hand
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
I believe it- so into your hands I commit my spirit..
I commit my way.. I commit everything..
For you have not left me alone, you have given me the help of the holy spirit.
I walk in the spirit day by day by day
I walk in the spirit...
show me the way, show me the way...
It's all about love, from beginning to the end...
For God is near to the brokenhearted..
He draws near to the humble,
anybody can come, anybody...
the King desires you..
Now Listen oh daughter
He wants to be with you
He longs for the day
when He makes all things new..
all things new..
He longs for the day..
He longs for the day..
when you allow Him to make all things new..
so listen oh daughters...
the King desires you.
so listen oh daughters..
the King desires you!
I say yes-
I say yes-
I say yes-
I want to be with you.
so I say yes-
I say yes
I say yes
I want to be with you.
I say yes-
I say yes-
I say yes-
I want to be with you.
I say yes-
I say yes-
I say yes-
I want to be with you.
Oh God I won't accuse you of being too difficult..
I won't accuse you of asking too much of me.
I won't accuse you...
for I know , I know, you know what moves my heart~
and I say yes.
I say yes..
I will go my own way...
to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense.
I will leave the past behind..
and how I failed, so so so many times..
but I l believe in your commitment to me.
I trust your promise more than I trust my own commitment to you..
I say it again, I say it again
I will go own my way
Yes, yes, yes.
I'll say yes.
I know that you will bring me to the end..
and I say yes
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able- I trust you..
I trust your desire for me.
For your said it and I believe it.
For you've given me the spirit as a guarantee.
As I walk through the journey~
As I walk through the wilderness~
I know, I know, I know your gonna bring me into, into only You.
Though I fall I am not utterly cast out..
though I fall, He upholds me by His right hand
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
You are able to keep what I've committed to you
are able to bring me forth in love..
I believe it- so into your hands I commit my spirit..
I commit my way.. I commit everything..
For you have not left me alone, you have given me the help of the holy spirit.
I walk in the spirit day by day by day
I walk in the spirit...
show me the way, show me the way...
It's all about love, from beginning to the end...
For God is near to the brokenhearted..
He draws near to the humble,
anybody can come, anybody...
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